Accident

I hope that some good  might come of my posting this and that it won't be taken for something it isn't. 

This is the scene of the accident. Some may think I am somewhat macabre for posting this but as today is the first anniversary of the accident and Daniel's death, some of us need to understand how and why it happened. I had questions and I have found the answers to some of them by looking, listening, watching, and pondering. This stretch of road seems innocuous enough. Why here?

Since the previous afternoon (August 1, 2011), I had the strongest impression that we needed to get to Sioux Falls. Looking at the map, I could see that it was quite a distance. Once we got to Sioux Falls, the first destination of our trip, Sandpoint, Idaho, would be another long day of driving or two shorter ones. I was going to make that call based on how I felt after getting some sleep once we arrived in Sioux Falls. We had a reservation at a Motel 6 there. When I realized it was going to be much later than I had originally thought by the time we finally arrived, I several times saw signs for Motel 6 and thought, 'Should we stop?' Each time, I felt that we should not. At one point, Daniel said, "Mom, we should just keep driving. If we're going to get there at 3:00 in the morning, what's the point of stopping?" If we had another seasoned driver, that would certainly have been an option. However, under the circumstances, I explained, we needed to stop.

From looking at the above picture and those that follow, you can tell that we left the freeway at the exit but stayed fairly parallel to it.

At some point in here, I woke up enough to realize that we had gotten off the road. I thought that if perhaps I turned just slightly to the left we might regain the freeway. Obviously not. We did hit the pillars of the overpass. You can see from the picture below on the right where we hit it.

I wasn't sure how we left the road until I looked at the map and saw the pictures because rumble strips ALWAYS wake me up. Well, if they aren't there, as in the case of an exit, they won't work. 

These two pictures I stole from the internet. I don't remember where and if anyone wants to, they can sue me. Quite frankly, they are of Laura's Durango so I do not have any feelings of guilt for not properly sourcing them. Besides, who gave anyone permission to take them in the first place?

 The rest of the pictures were taken by Laura and Alisha while we were all still in Sioux Falls. As I recall, I was driving (duh, I know), Laura was in the passenger side. In the middle seat were Seth behind me, Joseph behind Laura, and Cedric in the middle. In the back seat were Daniel behind Seth and Amena behind Joseph.

Obviously, this is the driver's side.

Just a general view from the front.

This is the seat Amena and Daniel were in.

The windshield.

More of the back.

Blood on the roof.

Where the little boys were.

A lot of things played into what happened. I'd driven all night before, as the only driver. I'd driven for more than 12 hours before. What was different? If I had thought there was any chance of something like this happening, I would have stopped. However, when do any of us think something like this will happen to us? It can happen, and it does. It happens when, in this case, you don't get a good night of rest the night before. Or when your mind is preoccupied with seemingly a million things. It happens even though we love our family more than anything and would never knowingly hurt them.

Since the accident, there have been times when I have contemplated never driving again. It happened once; who's to say it won't happen again? After all, weren't we in another accident on December 12, 2011? Ultimately, I do not think that never driving again is very realistic, life being what it is, but there are times when I really just want to stay home and really just do not enjoy driving like I used to. There are times, though, when I do enjoy driving now. They are times when I feel very close to Daniel. I often cry as I am driving, especially if I am alone, because there is no one to see my tears.

While I am not happy for the part I played in Daniel's death, there is nothing I can do to change what happened. I will miss Daniel for the rest of my life. I am happy to have had him with us in this life for the fourteen years we did. I am glad that he was a friend to so many. I pray that his influence will be felt for many years to come.