“You will find honor in being a
doula, the woman who serves. You will be handmaiden to the Birthing Goddess,
lending your heart and hands to her as she labors at transforming herself into
the Mother Goddess. You will carry water, cook, clean and care for her family
as well as directly support her in labor. It is woman’s work. Hard physical
work, intense emotional and spiritual work, everyday miracle work. Sometimes
she will not know she is a Goddess and you will hold up the mirror and tell her
to look and share your vision.”
I cannot think of anything that
sounds quite like being ‘handmaiden to the Birthing Goddess.’ In spite of the
fact that I can see some objecting to the thought of ‘woman’s work,’ it is
true. Women only can be the Mother Goddess. Women only can give birth. Although
a man might be able to be very sympathetic and be a good birth partner, only a
woman can completely empathize with the birthing woman because only a woman can
understand what she is experiencing because she has herself experienced it
and/or she is capable of following her intuition and is able to feel with the
woman transforming . ‘Hard physical work’ indeed. ‘Intense emotional and
spiritual work’ for certain. ‘Everyday miracle work’ most definitely.
‘Handmaiden to the Birthing
Goddess’ conjures up in my mind images of Druid folklore and Celtic women with
long hair flowing; of Shetland shawls, ancient trees and windswept landscapes.
“You will need to feel your own
strength and vulnerability as a woman, know the power of surrender to a force
greater than yourself. You must know these things in your bones. She will sense
it if you do and it will give her strength because you are living proof that it
can be done.”
It seems odd to use strength
and vulnerability in the same sentence, especially when discussing a woman who
very likely will need them at the same time. However, speaking from experience,
sometimes when a woman is at her most vulnerable, she is also strongest. Labor
and birth truly do involve forces greater than any one human. Opening up to the
unknown can be a terribly frightening experience but when a birthing woman is
with someone who has walked the walk, who does know the incredible power of surrender,
it can ease or even completely negate the fear.
“To learn the truth of birth
you will be going to Nature, the mother of all. By observing, interacting with
her elemental forces and participating in her cycles with awareness you will be
taught all you need to know.”
Learning about and from Nature
almost seems counterintuitive to the societal norms we find today. Trust birth.
Trust your body. Are you kidding—trust the doctor and medicalized view of
birth; anything else is likely to leave you wanting.
In my experience, as we observe
and interact with the elemental forces of Nature and participate in her cycles,
we are taught everything that we need to know. As we observe and interact with
the elemental forces of a laboring woman, a Birth Goddess, and participate in
her cycles, we can learn everything we need to know. We will learn what she
needs, how she feels, and how best to support her.
“You will need to learn to
articulate your truth. The truth of what you believe about birth, of what you
sense and feel before you, of who you are as a person. Your decisions and actions
arise out of being grounded in your truth.”
After having been married for
seventeen years to a man who wanted to mold me into a creation after his own
design, I have had in many ways to relearn who I am. In some ways it is
unfortunate that most of what I learned from personal experience about birth
happened during these years. However, in spite of his meticulous and
questionable guidance, I was able to learn truth and I am now able to share
that.
“You will help the woman
retrieve from within herself the knowledge of what she needs to do her birth
dance. By opening yourself to feel her and attending to her in a loving,
focused manner you will perceive and reflect back to her own truth.”
To me, this is almost the
epitome of what it means to be a doula or even a midwife. My midwives were able
to do this for me; now it is my turn to do this for other women in their
transformative birth experiences. Ideally, I believe that the doula should be
able to be that mirror into which the laboring woman can look to see the
Goddess she is.
“You will be helping the mother
provide for herself a nourishing environment so that the natural process can
unfold of its own accord. Helping safeguard her sacred birthing space,
identifying interferences to the natural process, and facilitating her movement
through it are part of your doula work.”
A doula cannot give birth for
the woman who is laboring. She can, however, help her provide the ‘nourishing
environment’ in order that the ‘natural process can unfold of its own accord.’ In
doing this, safeguarding the woman’s sacred birthing space is of utmost
importance. I feel that in many cases today, the labor room has become an
arena. Too often there are far too many spectators and more cheerleaders than
participants.
Often the birthing woman does
not recognize interferences to the natural process and therefore is almost
powerless to react or respond. A doula can certainly help identify unnecessary
intrusions and protect against them. She
can facilitate the birthing woman’s journey through this process by being aware
of the process and understanding her own role in it.
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