Have you had an
experience with a person or animal dying? Please describe.
My whole life has been lived
around animals. We have had dogs, cats, birds, chickens, goats, turkeys and
even a duck once. I have witnessed the birth of dogs, cats, chickens, goats,
and turkeys and have assisted a couple of our does with kidding. I have eight
children and have witnessed, as a doula, a birth. I have witnessed the death of
dogs, cats, chickens, goats, and turkeys. I have had to be the one to put a
goat down when dogs got into the goat pen and tore one of our does up so badly
that she could not live.
When I was young, my family
lived next to my grandparents. One day was out with my grandma and I knew that
we needed to get home because I knew that something monumental had happened at
home. When we arrived, I ran to the back of the house and there was my uncle’s
dog with her nose in my favorite Japanese silkie hen, Henrietta. I was shocked
and horrified at the manner of her death but even at the young age of 8 or 9, I
knew that death was somehow very connected to life and that one cannot be without
the other.
Over the years, I’ve become
acquainted with death. My father died almost 23 years ago. I was sad when it
happened and I still miss him, but somehow, I knew it was going to happen. My
grandpa died just over two years ago. I knew that was going to happen as well
and I miss him very much.
The hardest death I have had to
deal with is the death of my oldest son just over two years ago (two years and
three months tomorrow as of the writing of this on November 1, 2013). He was
only 14 and was killed in an automobile accident. The pain and emotions I feel
are as fresh and raw today as they were when I found out he was dead. I miss
him more than words can say and quite frankly, I do not wish to miss him less.
Interestingly, even as I was lying on a cold, hard table in an emergency room
in a hospital, I knew that my son was gone. A very close friend asked me later
if there was anything to prepare us for Daniel’s death and as I began to
examine the events of the days and months preceding the accident, I could see
that there were. Even though it was a shock and unexpected, and even though we
all miss him terribly, we were prepared.
What made their
experience easier? More difficult?
When Daniel was killed, I think
it was easier, in a way, because he was asleep and was not aware of what was
happening. It could be, however, that there were things he would have wanted to
tell us had he been able to. When my dad died, he fell into a diabetic coma and
never woke up. While it was probably easier that way, it probably would have
been nice had he had his family around him. My grandpa died twelve days after
the accident that took my son’s life.
We had been travelling to
California in order to see my grandparents. It was the first, and likely only,
time we would have a complete five generation family gathering for my children.
I believe, as does my grandma, that once Papa knew that we would not be coming,
he decided it was time for him to go as he’d been ill for some time and was
holding out to see us. With him when he died were my grandma, my aunt, and my
cousin. Waiting for him was his oldest great-grandson. He was released with
love and greeted with love.
I have heard of people who have
held on to life because those around them refuse to let them go. This has to be
hard, especially when living is painful.
Do you see any
similarities to the birth experience?
I see death and birth as flip
sides of the same coin. Birth is the act of leaving one sphere of existence and
entering another and death is the act of leaving one sphere of existence and
entering another. With each, there is an element of entering the unknown, of
leaving that with which one is familiar.
Because of this, I believe that the experience of death is very similar
to the experience of death. Perhaps the only real difference is the avenue or
passageway between the two realms.
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