Legal limbo over boy's burial from Worcester Telegram and Gazette Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Legal limbo over boy’s burial

Dianne Williamson
dwilliamson@telegram.com

An elaborate “monkey bridge” made of thick rope and tree limbs stretches high across a narrow creek behind the home of Paul Flint and his wife, Pamela Roper. It was built by Roper’s son, Daniel Davis, with help from some fellow Boy Scouts.

Near this bridge, below a sloping lawn that leads to acres of woods, is where Ms. Roper hopes to bury her 14-year-old child.

“Down here would be really nice,” Ms. Roper said quietly, standing under a gray and sunless sky. “Daniel really liked it here. He loved exploring in the woods.”

In the early hours of Aug. 2, Ms. Roper and six of her children were driving along a Minnesota highway, headed to Idaho to visit relatives. Near the South Dakota state line, bleary with exhaustion, she fell asleep at the wheel. The 2000 Dodge Durango veered off the road, sailed through a ditch and slammed into a bridge embankment. Daniel was killed instantly; she and her other children suffered various injuries, but survived.

The townspeople of Hubbardston rallied to the family’s aid, holding bake sales, delivering food and driving the children to doctors’ appointments. For that, the parents are grateful.

But they’re not as thankful to town officials. Today, more than three months after his death, Daniel’s body remains in the basement of a Worcester funeral home. Despite the best efforts of Daniel’s mother and stepfather, officials have yet to grant their request that the boy be buried on their 30-acre property on Pitcherville Road.

“It’s like having a scab that we have to pick open, over and over,” said Flint, Daniel’s stepfather, his voice choked with sobs. “It brings everything back and makes it hard to function. It eats at me. I love my wife, and this is what she wants. I can’t imagine the hell she’s going through.”

Flint has jumped through myriad bureaucratic hoops to grant his wife’s wish. He’s attended two selectmen’s meetings, called and written to various state officials and submitted maps of his property. He’s received the go-ahead from the town Conservation Commission and the state Department of Environmental Protection.

The matter seems to have stalled in September, after the town sought the advice of town counsel. While Hubbardston has no regulation about private burials, its Boston lawyer responded with a two-page opinion citing various chapters of state law and a laundry list of requirements that must be satisfied. Most daunting is that, in his opinion, the burial must be approved at Town Meeting, which isn’t scheduled until next spring.

But Flint isn’t quite sure where the matter stands, and you can’t blame him. Last Thursday, for example, Selectman Michael Stauder initially said he had no knowledge of the family’s private burial request. When contacted again several hours later, he corrected himself and said he now remembered it.

“But we’re not the final approval,” he said.

“Who is?”

“Nobody seems to know that,” he replied. “But I know he needs approval from DEP.”

As noted, Flint already has that. He also has the support of town Conservation Commission member David Klinch, who spoke on Flint’s behalf at a selectmen’s meeting in September.

“The Board of Health effectively punted it to the selectmen,” Klinch said. “So the selectmen should have to sign off. It’s a shame it hasn’t been resolved. I wish I could have done more to help him.”

Ms. Roper, 43, said it’s important to her that Daniel be buried on their land. She and her children moved from Idaho to Pitcherville Road in 2009, after meeting Flint on a website frequented by Mormons. They married in October.

“Birth is a personal thing,” Ms. Roper said. “Death should be, too. I know it’s just Daniel’s mortal remains, but that’s all I have left of him. I want him nearby and so do the children. The human race has been burying people close-by for thousands of years. Why can’t we do that now?”

Home burials are unusual but hardly unique. In Hubbardston alone in recent years, several people have been buried on private land, including former Boston Patriot Ron Burton in 2003. In 1997, town meeting voters allowed a family to create a private cemetery on Prentiss Hill Road, but whether town meeting approval is required in all cases is unclear.

Generally, communities require that the casket be placed inside a concrete grave liner or sealed vault. Daniel was embalmed in South Dakota and returned to Massachusetts Aug. 22. A service was held at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Gardner.

Daniel was an honor roll student and would have entered the eighth grade at Quabbin Regional High School this fall. His remains now lay in a casket at Graham, Putnam and Mahoney Funeral Home.

“I’ve done several home burials, and I’ve never seen a problem like this,” said Peter Stefan, president of the funeral home, who has been frustrated in his efforts to help the family. “The town counsel is just passing the buck, as far as I’m concerned. This shouldn’t be a problem.”

Ms. Roper, whose eight children range in age from 5 to 25, said that Daniel’s burial would be a family project. Her 9-year-old son Cedric wants to build a fence around the grave, and her daughters plan to plant flowers. She said she believes that a home burial will help her family heal.

Ms. Roper said she remembers only parts of the horrific crash. She remembers waking up as her out-of-control SUV skated over the grass. She recalls hearing her son Cedric crying. Her 19-year-old daughter Laura, seated in the front, later told her that she cried, “What did I do? What did I do?” over and over.

“Unfortunately, I’m all too aware of the role I played,” said Ms. Roper, who suffered three compression fractures in her back. “But I can’t go back and change anything. I just have to go on. People say I’m strong. I try to believe it. I try to act like it.”

On Friday, Stauder said he looked further into the family’s wish to bury Daniel at home, and will ask interim Town Manager Brian Bullock to spearhead the process.

“There’s a lot of different boards involved, so many layers of local and state bureaucracy, and no one has shepherded them through the process,” he said. “It seems like most of the pieces are in place. We’ll certainly offer him all the help we can give. He needs a champion.”

Bullock agreed, saying the delay is probably because of the “uniqueness” of the request.

“I’m a little surprised it’s still an issue,” he said. “Everyone grieves for that family and I don’t think anyone has a problem with their request. But it’s probably taken too long.”

Making Apple Cinnamon Rolls

I have a binder with recipes that I've collected. Mostly they have come from family and friends, a few from other places. On the cocoa cake recipe I have a picture of Papa and I have a picture of Grandma  on one right next to the roll recipe I was using yesterday evening. Cedric was on the other side of the counter from where I was working and looked at the picture. He said, "Is that Bislita?" I said it was. He said, "I want to see her." I told him that she is planning on coming to visit.

"In the winter?" he asked.

"No," I answered, "not until summer."

"Oh," was his response.

I turned to the cocoa cake recipe to show him Papa's picture and explained that he had not been well and that is why we had been going to California. "Yeah," he said. "But he died."

"Yes," I answered. "But now Bislita can travel, so she's going to come see us."

"When is her birthday?" he wanted to know.

"Well," I said, "her birthday is the same day as yours."

A sparkle turned on in his eyes. "Oh. How old will she be?"

"Eighty-three."

"I want to send her something for her birthday. What does she like?"

"Cats and owls."

"Bats and owls?"

I laughed. "Cats. Cats and owls."

I thought it was pretty cute. Things are really clicking in that boys head lately.

Sioux Falls Journal

It’s 3:35 am of Saturday, August 6. I can’t sleep and am not sure what to write here or where to begin but I need to start somewhere and now is as good a time as any. One week ago, Saturday, July 30, we began our trek across the United States. The plan was to reach Idaho by Wednesday and continue on to California the following Monday.

Saturday we got a late start because Laura had never really had to pack for herself and did not realize how long it would take. We were finally on our way around 11:00 am. We stopped to eat supper around 6 pm and Laura discovered that her AC compressor had stopped working. This meant a new belt was necessary. The first belt was too short but it was too late to exchange it so we slept in the Durango and waited for morning.

The plan had been to go to church but it took two more tries before getting the right belt and it was nearly 11:00 before we were ready to go. That night we stopped at a hotel and I think were all able to sleep well.

We had a travelling companion. I will write more about her later. Due to a combination of reasons, we didn’t leave until slightly after 1:00 pm. I was tired of these puny half-days of travel and determined to make Sioux Falls before stopping; I made a hotel reservation. It took forever to get through Chicago due to traffic and generally just took longer than I thought it would.

After travelling through Wisconsin and most of Minnesota, reality diverged even farther from plans. We were less than 24 miles from Sioux Falls. It had been raining and I was tired. Apparently I fell asleep for a split second and veered of the road. I remember driving through what I thought was grass and thinking that if I turned a bit left maybe be would regain the road. Well, the next thing I remember is Laura saying something, Cedric crying and Daniel comforting him. I tried to get to Cedric but couldn’t and was grateful that Daniel could.

Then there were people there. I heard someone say something about helicopters and I thought, “Oh, my gosh, that’s bad.” Someone else said abdominal injuries and I thought, “Oh, my gosh, THAT’s bad. What have I done?”

Finally I was out and in an ambulance.

I am with Cedric tonight. He’s had two spells of moving. The second time at least, he coughed up some of the gunk from his lungs. Currently he is resting.

Rest is what I’m going to do now, or at least attempt.

It is now 5:39 [am]. I was able to get some sleep since last I wrote. I dreamed but remember only sobbing. I can see the top of Cedric’s head from where I lay. He has a “bolt” in his skull to measure the ICP which is inner-cranial pressure. It looks something like an antenna. He had some x-rays not too long ago. I can only wonder how Amena and Seth are. How inadequate and small I feel.

Once at the hospital, I had to have my clothes cut off of me. I was in a collar for a time due to possible spinal injuries. After an MRI (I think) it was removed because there was no issue with my neck. An MRI of my back showed that I do have a compression fracture in my lower back.  [Actually, I have three, in L1, L3 and L4.] So that helped to explain why it hurt so badly.

While still in the ER, I was given the news. Laura had a fractured humerus; Seth had broken clavicles and mandible as well as a lacerated spleen. Laura also had scrapes and bruises. Joseph had minor scrapes. Cedric had a major skull fracture. Amena had cracked ribs high up and bruised lungs. Also pretty severe skull fractures mainly to the front and right side. Daniel was dead. He died instantly. [Laura actually had a fractured left clavicle; Seth a fractured right humerus, cracked ribs, fractured mandible and lacerated spleen. Joseph, Cedric and Amena were injured as mentioned.]

It is now 7:47 [am]. I hope Cedric’s doctor comes soon. Mainly for reassurance because he seems to be doing well. Although still on the ventilator, he is initiating all his breaths and has been all night. His blood pressure was a little low but he got something for that and it is now up. That is important because he needs to have enough oxygen for his brain. His ICP has been good all night. That is good because it needs to remain so in order to get the “bolt” out.

Laura and Joseph have been released, as have I. Laura was on the day we arrived. Joseph the next. Laura stayed with Seth and Amena at Avera but came to see us at Sanford.

It is now 7:18 am, August 8. Monday. I am again with Cedric after having spent Saturday night and a good deal of yesterday with Amena and Seth.

Much progress has been made. Yesterday Cedric’s bolt and bonnet came off. His head is fully visible and his scar is going to be incredible. His nurse said that both are often in for a month or more so it’s amazing his are out so soon. He also got his breathing tube out yesterday. Currently his only issues appear to be a fever the nurse said may be due to withdrawal of meds and the congestion in his lungs which we do not want to turn into pneumonia.

I fell asleep with pen in hand. Now it is 11:36 and Cedric is having a breathing treatment. His lungs have cleared up enough that he only needs them every four hours now which is much better than every two. They are somewhat stressful even while I know they are useful.

If I try to give a day-by-day progression of events, I am going to forget half of what I want to say and will undoubtedly mix things. So, I am not even going to attempt such a thing.

Did I mention that Laura was treated and released? Joseph was released the second day. I was released Saturday.

Today is August 10, Wednesday. It is 11:40 [am]. Cedric just had an ultrasound done of his legs. I have to say that that was a bit of a surprise. Earlier he went down to be x-rayed while he ate some things so they would know what he could and shouldn’t eat. He passed with flying colors and has lunch on its way.

At 10:00 Dan arranged a meeting. Now that it is 5:30 I can tell you that since he got here he’s been doing his darndest to be nice to me—all so he could play his trump card today and request that he be allowed to spend the night with Cedric. It wasn’t a complete surprise, he’d mentioned exercising his rights and staying a night with Cedric. [One still must wonder why Cedric and not any of the others.] Needless to say, I wasn’t in favor of this and told the two social workers there. Basically, I was told that legally they couldn’t prevent him from staying. Legally, he has no real right to stay either because this is not a prescribed or agreed upon visitation. I don’t care what the circumstances.

And now that it is 8:27 pm, Seth was released. I need to remember to email Angela. My mom, Seth and Joseph will be going home Wednesday. I think it is possible that Amena and Cedric might be released sometime around then but it appears that they will both need to drive home rather than fly so Paul will likely be driving out sometime next week. The only remaining question will be if I drive with them or fly alone.

Daniel should be on his way home by now I think. I called the funeral parlour today and they were supposed to call back but I never heard anything. Maybe tomorrow.

Amena has some gaps in her memory. That’s okay because I feel confident that all will be well. She did not believe me when I told her about Daniel. I had already told Joseph early on and I told Seth earlier yesterday. They were in Amana’s room talking about Daniel being, in Joseph’s words, “dead, duh.” Amena said it wasn’t true because I would have told her already and the boys were joking about it.

Joseph didn’t react much at all when I told him other than accept it as a fact. According to what I read, that’s pretty age appropriate as is the fact that I had to remind him the following day.

Seth didn’t react much. He seemed a little sad and had a tear but other than that, not much. [He indicated that he already knew.]

Cedric asked about Daniel when I got here yesterday. I sent everyone out and pretty much said what I had to Seth explaining that we’d been in an accident and what had happened to each of us. I said that Daniel’s body was hurt so badly that it wouldn’t work anymore and so his body died but his spirit is still alive and with us.

August 11, 2011, 8:58 am.

Cedric and I cried together a lot that night before he fell asleep. Jay got a picture of Daniel and Laura taped it to Cedric’s bed. In the morning we had another couple of good cries. During the day he asked me about Seth, Joseph and Amena. I think he needed reassurance that they are still here. Since Seth was released yesterday evening, we brought him over to see Cedric. Cedric seemed relieved.

Amena and Cedric are both doing well. Right now they’re working on getting everything situated for release to Massachusetts. Paul emailed me a name and number for a rehab doctor in MA who worked with him years ago. I just need to get that to the right people here.

Currently, I’m a bit sleepy so. . .

I just spoke to Grandma. (It’s 11:15.) Papa went into hospice care yesterday. He is expected to live maybe a week—probably three or four days. While part of me says we should have been there, part of me knows that, for whatever the reason, we weren’t.

Everything I have told people about Daniel is true but I sure am going to miss him. He was [is] such a good son. A good big brother. A good little brother.

It wasn’t exactly fun, when I took him to the Emergency Room for asthma, but it is the first time I’d had to do something like that with him. I remember checking on him in the morning. He was having trouble breathing but was still willing to do what I asked. [Which included going with me to meet the Dusty’s and pick up a chicken coop.] Not long before lunch I was on the phone with Jonathan sitting at the table sewing. Daniel came down and was having a very hard time breathing. I got off the phone and took Daniel to the doctor and then the ER. We weren’t there long and he responded well to the treatments. We actually got to leave by about 3. While we were there, Daniel was playing around with the oxygen sensor. That really does some interesting things to pulse and oxygen readings.

That would have been the Tuesday before scout camp I believe. The missionaries were coming, as usual, for supper. I’d felt I needed to get it done early so when we got back, I didn’t have much to do. I’d called Laura when we first arrived at the hospital. She walked to the house from work to be with the kids.

When the elders got there for supper, Daniel concocted a tale. I don’t think I can do the story justice but it had to do with why Daniel was at the hospital and ended up involving a huge chicken named Asthma. I should get Elders Barnhurst and Horton to write down what they remember.

9:06 am August 13. Everyone is awake and up. Mom says Amena is showered, dressed and waiting for therapy. We are in various stages of being dressed and having eaten. Alisha and Imani are in the shower. When they are done, I will braid her hair and then take my shower.

Paul is concerned that because he hasn’t been able to sleep well, he won’t be able to drive us home. I think it may be that a change of scenery would do him good and he might be able to sleep and be fine.

Papa died today, August 14, 2011, at about 6:50 pm in Hornbrook, CA. Grandma, Debby and David were there. I wish I could have been but know he understands why I was not. Now my practically perfect Papa and practically perfect Daniel are together and not alone.

Other than that, Amena had visitors from Sioux Falls 2^nd Ward Young Women today. They came and painted her nails. After that the husbands of two of the leaders and a son of one came to do the sacrament for us since we missed it today.

Amena continues making great strides. She is talking more and becoming more animated. Mom is with her tonight. Before Alisha and I left to come to Bassets, Marie called. She and Benny are expecting a baby on Feb 11. I hadn’t spoken to Marie for two years but she asked to talk to me (she called Mom). It was good to talk to her and definitely a small step in the right direction.

Once we got to Bassets, Cedric had a bit of a meltdown. He wants to do more than he should and I won’t let him. Also, I don’t think he’s been getting his meds regularly as he ought. It took me, Alisha and Laura to restrain him. I gave him a missed dose of Ativan and Jay gave him a blessing. He is now watching a movie in spite of the fact that it is so late as a sort of reward for settling down.

I just got off the phone with Paul and gave Cedric his 11:00 methadone. He needs his Ativan at midnight.

I love Paul. He is a wonderful man. He loves the kids like they were his. What more can I say than that?

Our travel plans have mostly been finalized. My mom is taken Joseph and Seth home Tuesday. They are flying, leaving pretty early in the morning. I am flying home Wednesday at 12:58 pm, arriving in Boston at 7:39 pm. I don’t remember exact times for my mom and the boys arrival but it’s between 2 & 3 in the afternoon. Brother and Sister Mayer, Adam and Chad are driving the van out and will be taking Amena, Cedric and Laura home. Sister Mayer says they’ll be driving straight to get here. On the way home, she said she’ll be in charge. She is a nurse and will be keeping an eye on the kids. When they need a break, they will take a break. I like that.

Bishop Snider gave me a Suburban. Since Laura is the person who lost a vehicle, I think she should have it. I was thinking that maybe we could leave it here and Laura and Alisha could fly out and drive it the rest of the way. Paul suggested having the guys who are driving the kids home drive it so that Laura could work on it and then she and Alisha could drive it back after the funeral. I’ll see what they think about that.

I am looking forward to being home. Alisha and Imani are flying home Wednesday evening. Becky and Jay will probably head home Thursday morning so that Alisha won’t be left alone here at all. I am absolutely amazed that we will all be home or en route less than three weeks after the accident.

August 15, 2011. 11:38 pm. Daniel was called home to be a soldier in the battle. He is among the legions protecting his family as well as those facing the adversary. There are legions watching over his mortal remains. He will be raised in the first resurrection.

Wow, The Last Time I Wrote Here, It Was Daniel's 14th Birthday

How much changes in such a short time.

Another Good Day

Another good day at the Fitness Center. I almost made my goal of walking 4 miles in 60 minutes; if you count the warm down period of 5 minutes, I did. I don't.

In my Small Business Management class, we have been discussing different aspects of a marketing plan. It has been very interesting, enlightening and fun. Today I read in the same issue of Midwifery Today "Developing a Freelance Midwifery Consultancy Business" by Dianne Garland. It covers everything we've covered in class--amazing! It was very good, very interesting and enlightening. My hour went by very quickly today, perhaps more so than yesterday.

Today I added some weight lifting. It won't be an every day occurrence but probably three days a week. I'd really like my arms to feel almost as used as my legs. I'm not sure they do but they did get used some.

All together, a good day thus far--and no kids late for the bus.

Walking

It finally happened. I'd been contemplating getting a family membership at the Fitness Center for some time. Then my grandparents sent us some money for Christmas which just about covered the cost of such a membership. So in early December before class, I stopped at the desk and got a gift certificate for us from them.

Sometime in January we still hadn't activated it but one day Adam came over wanting to go play racquetball with Paul. They used to do it often but hadn't for quite some time. I filled out the papers for me and the kids and Paul filled out his and later that day, Paul took them in and our membership was activated. Paul and Adam went to play a few times, but, as usual, there just never seemed to be time for me to go.

Finally, I decided I couldn't let February end without going in to at least get my picture taken and get my card so on the 28th I did. My plan was to go Tuesday morning but I'd kind of gotten the car stuck in the driveway Monday and the weather was ickyish so Tuesday came and went with no action on my part. T

Then it was Wednesday. What a terrible day to go. There was an Achievement Activity at church that Diana Chunn was covering for me so that I could go to the New Beginnings with Amena. All that means is that because I was going to be at church, I wouldn't be able to get any homework done that evening. So why would I take an hour and half or two out of my morning? Because everything needs a beginning.

I couldn't find the card I'd gotten Monday and it just seemed that everything wasn't quite going as I'd like it to so it took forever before Joseph and I finally left and we ended up not getting home until lunch time but, hey, we got there. I walked for an hour, more than 3 miles, and burned up an estimated 444.4 calories. That was kind of cool. Joseph got to play in the nursery and he had fun as well. I tried to get blisters on my right foot but didn't succeed so that was good too. But the best thing was reading. It was awesome! I finished three quarters of a midwifery magazine (I don't remember the name and I'm not sure where I put it so I can't tell you--it wasn't Midwifery Today).

Today I told Joseph we'd go earlier. And we did. The kids have a new bus driver--this is his first week. Each day he has arrived at a different time, which is to be expected since this is his first week. Today it was a little early so Amena and Seth missed it. I thought I could take them to school and then come get Joseph but he was ready to go so I took him with me. We dropped Amena and Seth off at school and then went to Aubuchon Hardware to get a lock and then to the Fitness Center. Actually, according to Joseph, it's the play place.

Today was much the same except I wore socks I have had absolutely forever--since skiing in high school. They're better than the cotton ones I wore yesterday because they don't get stretched out of shape and don't move around as much. Because of them, I am no closer to blisters today than I was yesterday. I really need to find out about getting more of them because washing everyday will surely wear them out fast.

Today I read part of the Autumn 2006 issue of Midwifery Today. The entire issue is dedicated to "The Business of Midwifery" and is just incredible. Every article was better and better and my hour just flew by. It's amazing how perfectly timed this was too. I mean, I'm taking Small Business Management and I want to be a midwife, how well this issue combined the two.

Now that it's time to feed Joseph and eat lunch and I have gotten almost no school work done today, it must be time to go for now.

Happy trails.

The Dress on My Girl

Isn't she beautiful? I'd like to have more than just this one picture, but this will do for now.

Well, silly me, I did have this other picture. I didn't open it right away because it said "Me and Daniel" and for some reason I thought, "Why would she send a picture of her and Daniel?" Obviously, I had forgotten the guy she was going to the dance with was a Daniel.