Cedric's Birthday, revisited

Life was very stressful between the time Amena was born and the time Cedric was born. After a fairly brief journal entry on March 17, 2001, in which I mention a visit from Daniel Vaniman, I did not write again until August 2 and then only three lines; after that not for another month on September 2. That was a bad month. Then we experienced 9/11. Life across the country mirrored my personal life: STRESS.

Thus, it isn’t until September 12, that I mention anything about a new baby on the way. “The baby seems to be doing fine.”

Marie was going to get married. Finally they set a date and were married Wednesday, October 3. I’d wanted to go but things didn’t work out. We were planning on moving to Idaho though, and since we’d only be about twelve to fourteen hours from Portland, I thought surely we’d be able to visit, “Certainly before this baby comes.”

Sydney left New Mexico to live with her aunt and we dropped Alisha off at the airport in Albuquerque on our way to California for Richard’s funeral as he passed away on November 2. Life was crazy.

On Sunday, December 30, 2001, I wrote: “Last Saturday we had a very interesting experience. I started having contractions about 5am but had no breaking of the water so didn’t worry about it. At 6, I took my usual morning dose of Uterine Toner and contractions kept happening but nothing else. It seemed to me around 9 they began to slow down so close to 10 I took my usual second dose of Uterine Toner.

“Family and McKelvey’s are here so I’ll be back later.”

Finishing the story on January 6, 2002, I wrote: “. . .back to the 22^nd of December. After that second dose of Uterine Toner, contractions were regular and hard. I called Sherri and Sandy who agreed to watch Laura, Joanna, Daniel and Amena. I kept doing things—making beds, getting a suitcase ready, fixing lunch, etc.—until I knew we needed to go NOW. I had a feeling we’d probably waited too long and thought briefly about calling Sherri back to say I wasn’t going anywhere but I really wanted that water birth.

“[We] called Sandy to tell her we might take some of the others but then contractions were really strong ad I said, ‘we’ve got to go NOW. Can she come pick them up?’ She said okay, we went out and Brother McDaniel and his wife arrived with some hay for Freckles.

“We left and I [said] to drive fast but not on the dirt road. [We went] faster on that than I’d’ve liked but plenty fast on the highway.

“Contractions were really hard and very serious. [We] pulled over once to see if I wanted to get in the back which I didn’t so [we] continued. Then I made a loud noise, groan, and [said] if I did it again to pull over. I could feel something bulging between my legs—it was the water bag. [We] pulled over [and I got] in the middle seat and then drove on.

“I’d felt the burning sensation that is associated with the head crowning just before moving back and knew that we’d never make it to town. When we stopped next we were about 8 miles beyond DZ (north) and that’s where we were going to have a baby. I felt something come out. I asked. . . ‘what was that?’ [It was the head.] Next push and out came baby. [I managed to get him under my jumper] and we covered him with two blankets after checking to be sure he was indeed a ‘him.’

“. . .Sherri was waiting for us when we got to her office and got us looked at and in bed.

“Baby’s name is Cedric Jacob.

“Cedric and I are both doing well. He is currently asleep on the couch. He was 7# 4 oz when born (same weight as Laura) and 19 3/4” long. He has dark brown hair and is, of course, terribly cute.

What an experience that was! I need to rest just thinking about it.

Life was incredibly difficult during the time I was pregnant with Cedric. Dan had decided the previous February that he didn’t want to be married to me any longer. He gave me permission to take some of the children, I don’t remember which ones, and leave. He would keep the others. Well, this didn’t set well with me. I’d have been perfectly happy to go but for one thing, if I was, I was going to have all the children with me and I really thought that our marriage was salvageable. Somehow we got through that.

In August, when I was five months pregnant, “Dan took Joanna, Daniel and Amena to pick Laura up from the George’s. To make a long story short, he’d decided he’d had enough and was planning on not coming back. He didn’t until late the next day and that was the worst hell I have ever lived through—much worse than what happened in February.”

It was also around this time that Alicia Chapman told me that someone had told her that I was planning on doing something that could potential hurt her family. She’d heard it from a ‘reliable’ source but refused to tell me who it was. Well, for one thing, I hadn’t said exactly what she had heard I did. For another thing, the only person I had mentioned anything remotely like what she’d heard was to Dan. Who was her source? Dan. I was so angry. I’d heard that extreme emotions have an effect on an unborn child and now I knew it to be true. My baby was affected by my anger and did not move for a full 24 hours.

On a happier note, I had used visualizing during Amena’s birth. I used it during Cedric’s as well, but it didn’t work. I’d been visualizing getting to Sherri’s office and giving birth in the water. Obviously, that didn’t work out. Interestingly, and this is something I just only realized, had we stayed home, the chances of having a water birth would have been greater as we had a garden tub in the master bath. It certainly would have been large enough for laboring in, perhaps giving birth as well.

Cedric was a happy baby and when he was just a few months old, we finally were able to leave New Mexico and move to Idaho.

This picture was taken in late March of 2003 at about the place where Cedric was born. He was born in this van.

This was taken in January of 2002.
For some reason (probably because it was taken before we moved and developed after) it never got dated more specifically.

This was taken in early March of 2002 while we were still in Escrito.

This was taken in March or April of 2002 at Grandma Davis' house in Fort Jones.

 This was taken in the spring of 2002 after our arrival in Idaho.



This is in the summer of 2002 with Blackie.

He loved to snuggle up with Cedric.

Also taken in the summer of 2002.

And this is us in the spring of 2002 at Mt. Hall.

Laura's Birthday, revisited

I began writing about Laura’s birth earlier in this blog but never finished. I believe the time has come to do so.

Friday, July 19, 1991: “Tuesday afternoon I had an appointment with Liz. The baby kicked when she was trying to get his heartbeat. He’s growing nicely. I couldn’t go to the bathroom so she gave me a test strip to test my own.”

On Wednesday, August 14, 1991, “…baby’s growing nicely. He’s very active—especially when I’m trying to sleep.”

Wednesday, August 21, 1991, I was catching up (which I seemed to do pretty often) and said about the previous Sunday: “[Alisha] was kind of restless during the talks so, since the baby was active, I told Alisha that he was kicking. She put her ear against my stomach and was excited when she felt him moving.”

On Friday, September 27,1991, “There are only twenty-four days left before the baby’s due. I;m to the point right now where I’ll be very glad when it’s out. Laying down isn’t comfortable for more than a couple hours, standing up for too long is tiring, and sitting gets uncomfortable very soon. Plus, I have to go to the bathroom a lot. I went twice this afternoon after my nap within an hour. So, I’m looking forward to its being born.”

Sunday, October 20, 1991, “As you may have gathered, the baby has not yet made an appearance. I’m getting a little anxious for it to happen. Everyone tells me all these ways to start things happening but in spite of my anxiousness, I think it will happen when it’s time and ready.”

Friday, October 25, 1991: “Still no baby. I wonder if we will have a November baby after all.”

Friday, November 1, 1991: “Well, baby showed up  Monday…

“Monday morning I work up around five and realized that I was having contractions. I debated on whether or not to tell Dan because they were pretty far apart and not very strong. I finally told him sometime around 6:30 or 7:00 that I thought we were going to have a baby. I called my mom at 7:00 and Dan called Paul around 8:00. Liz came at 11:00 to check me out and I was still only 3 cm. She stopped by again on her way to work at 3:00 and I was up to 5 cm. She went to work with instructions to call Jeannie first if things really got going…my mom and I had gone for a walk in the morning [to try and break my water] but it didn’t work.

“Finally around 5:30 I think, Dan called Jeannie and Liz…Jeannie got here and started setting everything up. Then Li got here and checked me out. I think by then I was up to 8 cm. My contractions weren’t any longer or closer together but they were certainly harder by then. They’d past uncomfortable and had almost reached painful. Dan would squat with me and that really brought the contractions on strong. I don’t remember when it was that I finally asked Liz to try and break my water but she had a hard time because the baby’s head was so far down. After the second try it broke on its own. Dan sat behind me for me to lean on or whatever and everything started happening.

“I remember pushing and thinking I wasn’t and pushing more and Dan kept repeating—maybe—what Liz was saying. Finally the head came out and then the body followed and we have a beautiful baby girl.

“I love Laura Renee and I’m so thankful to Heavenly Father for [her].”

There isn’t a lot to add to this. Liz had left some litmus paper for me to check for amniotic fluid. I did have a leak before the water broke but nothing major; I just kind of had a slow dribble that was annoying and turned the paper the right color but that’s it.

Dan wanted everything to be natural. He thought that because Native Americans used to squat to have their babies, that would be the way to do it. Well, I think under the right circumstances, that would be true. The right circumstances would include a lifestyle that includes a lot of squatting in everyday life. That would help the right muscles get in shape. I do not, and did not, have that kind of a lifestyle. I do a lot of standing and walking. I used to do a fair amount of squatting in the garden but that was only a garden-time activity, not year-round. So, I tried squatting. It hurt. I am not afraid of pain but neither am I a fan of it so I stopped. Looking back on it, squatting would have helped Laura get here faster, but that isn’t necessarily a good thing. Sometimes fast can cause more tearing. I do not remember if I had any tears with Laura or not.

Laura’s birth was a good thing. Alisha’s wasn’t bad, in fact, all things considered, I’d have to say it was pretty good; especially for a hospital birth. Laura’s was good in that it taught me that I could indeed do what my body was intended to do. Quite frankly, before she was born, I had some never voiced concerns. I knew that I could give birth, after all, I’d done it before. But I knew that it wasn’t going to feel good, after all, it hadn’t the first time. I did know that the most intense part would be fairly short compared to the whole process and that the end result would be a baby and that is how I got myself through it.

Really, the only thing I would like to change about Laura’s birth is to educate myself more about birth. With Alisha, I was young and dumb and figured that women had been having babies for eons; why, then, should I bother with child birth classes or reading anything or asking questions. I’d read enough to know the general process; that, in my rebellious mind, was quite sufficient. With Laura, I am not sure why Liz did not encourage me to read. Maybe she figured that if I wanted to read, I would ask; she did have quite a few books. Maybe she thought that since I’d had a baby, I had experience and didn’t feel I needed more information. Whatever the reason, more knowledge would have been nice. As it is, it was what it was and Laura was born and I had a new baby and life was good.

Laura at 6 weeks.
December 10, 1991

And at three months.
January 29, 1992

At 14 weeks.
February 4, 1992

And being Miss Happy Drooler in early August of 1992 because she knew that one day she would LOVE reading just like Mom does (check out the book, man!).

Joanna's Birthday, Revisited

It is hard to believe that Joanna is 19-years-old today. Also hard to believe that my third baby is 19-years-old. How the time does fly by!

It was incredibly hot the summer Joanna was born.  Many journal entries attest to this fact so I won’t bore you with them.  I was seeing/being seen by Andrea Dixon who was awesome.  The only problem is that we were in California and in California, midwives must have physician back-up. (What this meant in the case of Liz providing care I do not know. She was an RN who worked at the hospital in Yreka and everyone knew she did homebirths ‘on the side.’

Thursday, August 25, 1994, “Andrea called this afternoon with the wonderful news that her medical back-up decided that she can no longer back Andrea up. This means that legally Andrea cannot even take anyone’s blood pressure. Or be at a birth. This comes as we are 23 days away from our due date.”

“…Then I got mad—angry—that because a doctor ‘chooses’ not to cover Andrea, I cannot ‘choose’ to have my baby at home with any kind of competent practicing medical help. And yet, depending on what state I live in, I could ‘choose’ to have an abortion.”

Sunday, September 18, 1994, “Earlier that day (the 8^th) I’d called one of Andrea’s assistants who would be able to bring equipment and assist with the birth. Less than an hour later (but before Grandma and Papa came) Andrea called and said, ‘Want to make an appointment?’ She finally found a doctor who would back her up—how exciting! So we made an appointment for that Saturday.

“Saturday the 10^th. . . Our appointment with Andrea was at 4:30 but she’d gotten stuck in . . . traffic and was about half an hour late. The baby was fine and Alisha and Sydney got to feel it and all three got to hear the heartbeat.”

Saturday, September 24, 1994: “Then, around 7:30 (Wednesday), contractions started. Sometime around 9 there was some bloody show so I knew there was a baby on the way.”

“I had a feeling that the birth was not all that eminent—that it would probably be the next day before the baby came. I called Andrea and Carolyn and Brenda. Brenda wasn’t home. Andrea wanted me to call back when contractions were 5 minutes apart or between 1 and 1:30.

“I spent most of the morning getting things ready—making the bed, covering pillows, etc.

“After Becky got here and I called Andrea we walked up to Sew Unique and the health food store. About 2 contractions were coming every eight minutes but they were really not much to be concerned about—not very hard.”

After fun and games including supper and a ride on bumpy roads, “I’d decided to try and get some sleep—rest anyway—and was on the bed when I felt a gush. That was at 9:40. Contractions finally sped up a little at that point. . . I got up for a while and the contractions eased up so I went back to the bed.

“When I was there I felt another gush and decided it was time to call Andrea and Carolyn. . . Carolyn got here soon and Andrea was here by around 11. At that point I was 8 cm and 90% effaced so the baby was coming but not any real hurry.

“Contractions started in hard then [5am]—baby was finally tired of waiting.

“. . .everyone got up . . . and we got to work. [At] nearly six . . . it really happened. Started to happen. And then, half an hour later, a little black baby head popped out followed by a little girl baby body.

“It seems like that part took forever but now I know it didn’t. Most of the time I was on my hands and knees. I tried squatting but it still felt too fast so I went back to hands and knees. Then I tried sitting on the edge of the bed but that’s been baby was nearly here. I tried to turn back over but Andrea stopped me because the baby was only a push or two away.

“Joanna Mabel was born at 6:29 am, September 22, 1994. She was seven pounds and 19 ½ inches.

“Andrea laid her on my stomach and covered her up. All I really remember after that is Laura being pretty happy and delivering the placenta. Actually, I remember lots but it’s rather jumbled together.

“Somehow, the relief at having the baby out never measures up to the joy of the reality that this baby is actually here and what a miracle that is. At one point I felt her head before she was out and that was nice but still, nothing compared to seeing that head with black hair all over it and the little perfect body that followed. Somehow, seeing and feeling makes it real.

“They are so wonderful—so close to Heavenly Father, so special.”

I was positively verbose there; I had to edit out a lot. While I was pregnant with Joanna, I had asthma really bad. I am not going to say that I wasn’t allowed to go to a doctor, but it wasn’t encouraged and had I gone, it most likely would have had an adverse effect on a marriage that I now realize was already on the rocks. My mother-in-law gave me an extra inhaler which I used only when absolutely necessary. After receiving an acupressure treatment, I not only was alleviated of all asthma symptoms but allergy as well for the rest of the pregnancy and for quite some time after. During the birth, Andrea used warm olive oil/washcloth compresses on my perineum. That felt sooooo good.

There were a lot of people present for Joanna’s birth. I’d prepared Laura by utilizing Andrea’s library and reading books to her. I’m not sure I was prepared for so many people although, in all honesty, it wasn’t that bad because I was in the bedroom most of the time and there wasn’t really room for many of them to be in there at once. As it was, there was a husband, midwife and her assistant. Also in the house were Brenda, my sister-in-law, Becky, my sister, Sydney, my step-daughter, and Laura. My mom and grandma were still at Knitter’s Retreat. They got home either later that day or the next. Looking back at it now, I sometimes think I would want to limit the number of people but really, the way it turned out it was pretty okay.

September 26, 1994. Four days old.

September 27, 1994. Five days old.

Sometime in October of 1994. Laura loves her little sister.

Ocober 28, 1994 (actually Laura's birthday). Mama Vampire feeding her baby.

I believe this was taken in April or early May, 1995. They were soooo cute.

July 1, 1995. Sydney, Joanna, Alisha and Laura.

July 1, 1995. Such a happy, smiling little bundle of cuteness!

Joseph's Birthday, Revisited

Today Joseph is 7 years old. How the time does fly! I like looking back on these birth stories.

It is likely that there are more journal entries while I was pregnant with Joseph because I have a few months that have gone AWOL. I know it isn’t just that I didn’t write because the last entry before the great silence stops midsentence. However, having just finished writing what I have, I think is suffices.

Friday, August 3, 2006: “Eleven days until this baby is due and I’m just about as ready as I can be. I finished getting all the supplies I should need yesterday and that’s always a good thing to have done. The only think I wonder about is the gloves because on the list it says sterile and all I’ve seen is the boxes. I got one yesterday hoping it will work. Yesterday afternoon I finished getting everything washed, folded and put into bags. Currently, everything is on my cedar chest.”

Sunday, August 20, 2006: “Still no baby yet but Laura was a week late. In talking to Diane yesterday, she said the water (we’d been going to the pool almost every evening) may be keeping things from happening. That makes sense because I’ve been having some fairly good contractions for the last couple of weeks but they always stop when I go to bed. That is rather annoying because I really am ready for this baby to be born.

“Today is the day everything has to be picked up from the fair. I’m not sure who is going to go down but I know that I’m not. I’m not going to church either for a couple of reasons—one, sitting is uncomfortable, standing is uncomfortable, laying down is uncomfortable so church is bound to be uncomfortable as well; two, I don’t feel like listening to anyone’s ‘cute’ comments about the state of pregnancy we’re in. Also, I’d like to contemplate castor oil and milk.”

Finally, on Monday, August 28, 2006, I wrote: “Well, Joseph Eoghan was born Tuesday August 22, at 2:14 am. Alisha said her clock said 2:11 and she’s most likely right because it always takes a minute or two to get things recorded.

“Joseph was 9# 3oz and 20 ½” long. He has dark hair currently and is very cute. Today when he got weighed he was 8# 12 oz.

Last Monday I went in for a prenatal visit as usual even though we were a week late and I said I might call the next morning about castor oil if nothing had happened by then. When I got there and they checked baby’s heart beat, it was really fast. Barb had me drink a big glass of cold water and just sit and relax. I was quite warm when I got there and sometimes that causes fetal heart rates to be high. When she listened again, they were lower but she said she’d come over and check the next day if nothing happened before then.

“I sat down on the bed in the afternoon/evening to finish reading a few chapters of Proverbs. It was very uncomfortable and I said so and moved around and suddenly there was a pop and a gush—my water had finally broken.

“I don’t know what order anything happened in but we called the Scotts, started getting things ready, ate dinner, etc., etc. Laura and Joanna helped quite a bit getting everything ready to go over to the Scotts and getting things ready here. My mom and Becky had gone out to dinner so they didn’t know anything was going on until they got back and there was a sheet in the window instead of the usual curtain.

“[The pool was taken] over to Les Schwab to fill it with air because the bicycle pump was taking too long. Then. . . we started filling it. We had to give the hot water heater a break part-way through but it worked out okay.

“Barb and Kendra got there sometime between 9:30 and 10 and got stuff out and situated. I was having some decent contractions but nothing seemed all that promising. When I got in the water at first, everything slowed down. After a while, Kendra gave me a cohosh tincture and . . . I went for a walk up and down the street. That was productive so I came back in and got in the pool. Things still seemed slow so I went for another walk, this time with my mom, and got back in the pool. Kendra gave me another dose of the tincture at some point and while I was out walking [again], Barb went to lay down in her car (she’d managed to get a cold or something, as I recall).

“I don’t know when things began feeling serious but I’d been visualizing for a while when I finally felt that things were really picking up. At one point, I had one and had to push. Kendra asked if I was ready but there’s no way I could have answered at that point. She later said that had she been a novice midwife, she’d never have believed that I was even in labor until then. When I didn’t answer, she figured it was time to don some gloves and . . . get Barb.

“I was fully dilated and it took by their calculations a whole four minutes to get Baby pushed out. He was a bit harder than the rest—it seemed like I’d never get his head out which was my goal because I knew the rest would be fairly easy. After weighting and measuring, it is no surprise he was harder to push out because he was so much bigger than his older siblings.”

Joseph’s birth was incredible. Looking back now, I know I would have done things the same because none of the circumstances would have been different but I think I would have liked to have done castor oil nearer his due date. He would have been a little smaller and most likely easier to push out. However, he made it out alright. Laboring and birthing in the water was heavenly. I loved it. Joseph probably liked it as well due to our going so often to the pool in the couple of months before he was born. The water felt so nice and toward the end, the only time I was truly comfortable was in the pool. The older children loved it also which was a nice added bonus.

I hadn’t remembered that Joseph’s heart rate was high that last prenatal visit. I think I would like to ask Barb what she would have done had it remained high. I’m pretty sure that partly it was due to my stress. My mom came out in time for the birth on the due date and some people did not like that so life was somewhat more stressful at home (which is saying something because it was way off the scale under normal circumstances at the time).

Cedric told me the other day that he remembered spending lots of time outside with Joseph. He was, like most of his older siblings, jaundiced, so we spent quite a bit of time outside sunbathing when it was a good temperature.

Joseph’s birth was another wonderful learning experience. I am so grateful and feel so blessed to have the children that I do.

This is an amazing picture because it was actually taken the day Joseph was born.
I do not have that for any of my other children.

August 23, 2006. Daniel holding baby Joseph and Amena smiling.

Probably this was taken in September.
Cedric often closed his eyes in pictures at this time so this was a nice one.

I'm guessing around September for this one as well.
This outfit was really cool. The planets were glow in the dark.

This may have been taken as early as August.

Probably taken in September.
Seth was a pretty happy big brother.

February 8, 2007.
Mr. Big Eyes.
This picture has an interesting story if you're brave enough to ask.

Good News!

I've been away for a bit due to life being busy (with things like soccer practice and games, finals, final presentations, and spending up to two hours every day [other than Sunday] getting back in shape). You may recall that I had an interview with Birthwise Midwifery School which was interesting and sort of fun. The interview was going to be in person but Laura and Joanna both had to work so without someone to keep an eye on the younger half, I couldn't go to Maine. Because they're really cool at Birthwise and realize that not everyone could make it in person for the interview, it was then going to be via Skype. We started and I could see and hear them but they could not see me and they were having trouble hearing me as well. Soooo, it ended up being via telephone (thank goodness we still have them, eh?).

When was that? A million years ago? Actually just a month ago on April 16th. Two days later they called and said. . .

I was ACCEPTED!!!!!!

So excited!!!

Interview today . . .

. . . with Birthwise Midwifery School! And, this weekend, toLabor doula training! What excitement!

Interview

I have an interview Tuesday in Bridgton, ME, for Birthwise Midwifery School. Still not sure if I'll be able to physically go but if not, they are willing to Skype. Yay! So exciting!